buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
