No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
