im having a threesome with these popsicles
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
