I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize