I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
