I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
