We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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