Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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