I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
