do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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