He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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