shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
