i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
