Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
