I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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