for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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