oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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