Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
