You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
