I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
