it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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