you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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