Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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