She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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