You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
