i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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