haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
