you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
