dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
