He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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