Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
