oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
