Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
