Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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