found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
