I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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