i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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