i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
