Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
