woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
