so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
