EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
