Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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