I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize