The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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