My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
