So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
