FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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