I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
