I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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