Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
