I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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