How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
