At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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