last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
