Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
