Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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