So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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