I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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