Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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