i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
