if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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