She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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