woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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