I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize