She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
