Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
