So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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