Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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