Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
