Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
