i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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